Struggling with Windows and Office? Are you feeling as bent out of shape as the Office paperclip? Perhaps you dream of being chased by speech balloons telling you that “your computer might be at risk”. The truth is, not even beginners really need all the help that Windows, Office and other mainstream programs make available by default.

We’ve conducted a survey to find out the most irritating day-to-day Windows problems and, thanks to the tips in this article and some useful utilities on the cover disc, you’ll be able to turn off annoying pop-ups and hints, get back control of your PC, and solve common Windows problems easily.

Many of the programs mentioned below are also available on the PCW downloads site and we’ve included the links to each program.

SOOTHE WINDOWS PAIN
Windows annoys many users with pointless automation. Microsoft has tried to strike a balance between user-friendliness and performance in Windows XP. Unfortunately, it hasn’t always managed it in the real world. While automatic features can help beginners, they irritate experienced users. Here’s how to deal with the 10 worst offenders.

1. Slow start-up
The Windows start-up process is a lame duck. Wrong, or slowly initialised, drivers can slow it down as much as a fragmented drive and loads of programs in the Autostart folder. You can work out your system’s sticking points using Bootvis.

This Microsoft tool uses data on CPU loading, hard disk access, driver calls and running processes to work out what is slowing down the Windows start routine. From the graphics in the Bootvis log, you can see how to optimise the start process by changing a specific driver or cleaning up the boot partition, and then check the success of the optimisation by running another Bootvis test.

Startup Control Panel allows you to analyse and modify system Autostart entries. It finds hidden Registry keys, with which programs, without an Autostart link check that they have been loaded during boot-up. To change an entry, right-click on a program name in the Startup Control Panel and select Disable. To prevent tools from burying themselves in the Boot routine, use Startup Monitor which sounds the alarm if entries are altered.

A slow shutdown can be just as annoying as a slow start-up. To shut down XP with a single double-click instead of three or more, use a shortcut. Create a new Shortcut (right-click on the desktop, choose New, Shortcut) and type the following in the target box:
c:\windows\system32\shutdown.exe -s -f -t 0

2. Missing anti-virus software
Microsoft introduced the Security Center with XP Service Pack 2. It allows you to manage all security-related settings such as the firewall, automatic updates or your installed virus scanner, all in one place.

Users who feel they are protected by the Security Center will see they’re not as soon as the first warning balloon appears, saying your PC might be exposed. It’s pretty obvious that it is, if no virus scanner has been installed, and Microsoft doesn’t provide one.

One of the top-rated anti-virus programs is Kaspersky Anti-Virus 6.0, which offers good protection from all kinds of malware, including viruses, worms, trojans, adware and spyware. To obtain a similar level of protection with freeware, you can use a combination of Antivir and Windows Defender, for example.

Note that the free version of Antivir doesn’t offer protection from adware and spyware. These parasites now pose as great a threat as viruses, so you really do need protection against them. Freeware utilities Ad-Aware and Spybot Search and Destroy will keep your PC free of spyware.

3. Internet Explorer security holes
Danger is always with you, if you browse the web using Internet Explorer 6.0 Service Pack 1. According to the Bugtraq security mailing list, the Microsoft browser has 175 security holes, for which no patches are available. This can be dangerous, as any website could be harbouring an exploit for a loophole.

Some swindlers run sites specifically set up to target weaknesses in Microsoft’s browser and steal private data. Internet Explorer version 7 may give a brief respite, but it’s still the prime target for ne’er-do-wells.

Change is the only option. The Firefox browser is not just fast, it’s also fairly secure. Bugtraq lists just two security holes in version 1.5.x which need a targeted attack to be effective. For the casual surfer the danger of losing data or control over your computer is almost non-existent.

Firefox 2.0 gives you a foretaste of the new features in Internet Explorer 7: the new phishing protection successfully warded off would-be data thieves in our tests.

The crash-protection feature made looking things up on the internet easier, as there are few things more annoying than losing a site in a crash after a long search and having to find it again. After a crash, Firefox 2.0 asks whether the online session during which the crash occurred, including the pages viewed, should be restored. Firefox 2.0 also offers a spell check for forms, which is useful for bloggers and still lacking in Explorer 7.

4. Phone home functions
Microsoft is continuing a process that started five years ago with product activation. The new Windows Genuine Advantage (WGA) program is becoming the curse of honest users who have paid a lot of money for its software. The WGA check is one more thing to get on your nerves.

While product activation only required you to register after a fresh installation, WGA now also demands the installation of an ActiveX confirmation module. You can use freeware utility Remove WGA to get round this. It stops the version of Windows from being checked during every start-up and also stops the notifications from appearing in the Windows Systray.

Note, however, that it doesn’t remove the validation part of the process, so your Windows installation will still be checked for authenticity when you download or install Microsoft programs and updates.

Just as Microsoft wants to get a report from the user with the activation and authentication processes, the sending of crash reports also harvests data. This is because even if you kill a crashed application with the Task Manager, Windows will suggest that you send a crash log to Microsoft.

As if a crash weren’t bad enough already, Windows’ desire to phone home demands that you make more mouse clicks. You can do away with this by opening the Control Panel’s system module and clicking on the Advanced tab’s Error Reporting button, then selecting Disable Error Reporting and choosing if you wish to be informed of critical errors.

5. Unwelcome Messenger
Instant Messaging is very popular, partly because the Windows Messenger client is on by default in XP. However, only a minority of people use Microsoft’s chat tool.

In spite of this, Messenger turns up after every login with a System Tray icon and a message saying the user is not logged in. Of course, you can let it start and then deactivate it by choosing Tools/Options and unchecking the ‘Start Windows Messenger when Windows is started’ in the Settings dialogue.

However, Windows Update will still identify the Messenger client if paths are available and, in some cases, will reset your settings. Then Messenger will demand, at every start, that you log in with your Windows Live ID. You can prevent this by ‘deinstalling’ Messenger via the Control Panel’s Add or Remove programs module. In the left-hand column click on Add or Remove Windows Components and uncheck the Windows Messenger entry. After clicking on Next, Windows will remove the component.

A more elegant way to exorcise Windows Messenger is with XP Antispy. You simply tick two boxes on the interface: the first goes in the category Microsoft Messenger (MSN) in front of Deinstall, and the second goes in the Miscellaneous settings section, next to ‘Do not start MS Messenger with Outlook Express’. After clicking on the Apply Settings button, XP Antispy removes Windows Messenger automatically.